Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Ten Mediocre Things

I think of good, bad, and mediocre as sort of being on a circle. Imagine a clock. The six is the dividing line between horrific and flawless - that is, they are adjacent. Twelve is mediocre, and it just fans down from there on either side.

For me anyway, mediocre is a lot farther away from horrific and flawless, than horrific and flawless are from each other. In reality, the dividing line between horrific and flawless is often very slim, which is why I hate mediocre a lot more than horrific. Remember "Springtime for Hitler"? It was so bad, it was great. Neil Young solos are like that, too, as are Michael Bolton vocal performances. My friend Kevin tells me that the John Travolta movie "Face Off" is the same - so horrific that it's actually brilliant. I could say the same for Bret Michael's TV show "Rock of Love", or McDonald's, or Robert Plant ad libs.

Anyway, here is a list of ten mediocre things. They're not horrific, they're not great...they're just out there, floating, refusing to take a stand one way or the other, being really mediocre. Booooo.

10.) The Phillips screw (the Robertson screw, the standard in Canada but unavailable in the US, is far superior).

9.) The Snickers Bar

8.) CNN legal correspondent Jeffrey Toobin (close to horrific because of intolerably smug attitude, yet his mediocrity overwhelms even that).

7.) CNN

6.) Swiss Army Knives

5.) Kellogg's Corn Flakes

4.) The Vancouver Canucks

3.) Gibson acoustic guitars (and hugely overpriced)

2.) Colgate toothpaste

1.) English Leather aftershave

Add your Ten Mediocre Things below.


Draper Phil said...

OK, I'll take a stab at this:

10. Tuesdays
9. lettuce
8. The Gap
7. Budweiser
6. Jay Leno
5. Chili's
4. Hersey's chocolate
3. Sam: the brother of Nephi, Laman, and Lemuel (fictitious characters allowed, yes?)
2. The Honda Civic
1. Eddie Money

Tal said...

Nice Phil!

ginamarie said...

10. Oreos
9. Monopoly (The Game)
8. Bean bag chairs
7. Starbucks Coffee
6. The Wizard of Oz movie
5. Thomas Kinkade Paintings
4. Golf
3. Wallpaper
2. Khalil Gibran
1. Disneyland

zalia said...

Rock of Love? Really? You really think it is so horrific that it's brilliant? Nah....It really is horrific. Maybe we just need an excuse for watching it-kind of like not being able to look a way from a car wreck.

rachael said...

Zalia I agree, Rock of Love is completely horrific. And yet, here I am, even I know what show you are talking about, because I also, pulled up beside the 'car wreck' and watched it once.

Once was enough though, I wanted to go and take all of those girls home to their Mothers.

Thats the show, isn't it? Young, fresh, eye candy, fighting like cats, and doing crazy challenges for the attentions of a rock star?

Super marketable concept without a doubt (in todays youth culture anyway). Good for the creators and advertisers, and to whats his name for all the fun he must be having, can't blame him really, I suppose.

Finding ideas for a mediocre list is tough by the way, nothing stands out.

Draper Phil said...


A couple comments on your list if I may, and we're just having fun here...

Starbucks Coffee is fabulous, a little piece of heaven. And nothing mediocre about the movie The Wizard of Oz! It's AFI100, was a technical and cinematic marvel in 1936 and is timeless... Golf, I'm not much of a golfer, but I don't think it's really mediocre. There's gobs of money in it, it's very popular, many people pros and amateurs alike become consumed by it.

Just, like, my opinion, man. B-)

ginamarie said...

Draper Phil,

OK, cool.

It's all just opinion right, and I respect yours. Arn't these just things that leave us just "eh" when we think of them, a subjective exercise.

yours truly, G.

Draper Phil said...

Hi ginamarie!

So yeah, this is all just for fun and I DO respect your opinion! And feel free to tell me I'm full of shit. I won't mind!

To your question "leaving you 'eh'", I'd say sometimes indicates mediocre, but not always. Using golf as an example again, I'm mostly indifferent about golf _personally_ - I mean, I'll do 9 holes and drive the cart (and drink the beer); but otherwise not really into it, just kinda "eh" myself about golf. But for the reasons I mentioned before, I don't think I can really agree golf is mediocre. Back to coffee, if I'm looking for mediocre coffee, I'm thinking Folger's or Taster's Choice. Starbuck's coffee is gormet shit... are you a coffee drinker? Just curious. :)

ginamarie said...

Draper Phil, hello!

Ah, it's not my way to find anyone full of shit. Especially when someone gives some thought about why they think the way they do, and it's apparent you do.

I suppose we all approach what we find mediocre in different ways too. I might say something has to be exceptionally practical or give me an exceptional emotional or mindful experience to make it more than mediocre. How are we to say really, because I too would like to weigh and measure and come to some kind of objective resolution -LOL! Until I can be tested, I have to say indeed, I am pretty sure I AM MEDIOCRE! Let me also add by the way that mass appeal, marketing, popularity, net worth has no sway as to whether I consider it mediocre.

I love coffee and drink it every day, most times at a Starbucks. Surprise you? I still find it mediocre. Their daily drip is Pike Place Roast, which tastes like a low end bean to me with no great flavor profile. Now, if they want to serve up Sanani or Sidamo daily those are better. Still, the coffee is not fresh, beans are picked, held for (how long?) before roasted and packed in bags that are "fresh" for 9 months. Exceptional would be an indie roaster whose beans are well grown and within weeks of roasting. Starbucks espresso beverages have the potential to be exceptional, but the preparation has been shoddy on my many visits to stores. The Frappacinos are mediocre at best, they are made with a manufactured base of uncertain additives. But GOD YES! compared to Folgers, Starbucks rocks.

I am so glad you don't agree with more of my list, forcing you all to suffer through my long-winded responses!

cheers, G.

Anonymous said...


"I am so glad you don't agree with more of my list"

Meant to say "disagree with more.."

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rachael said...

anon, the only one you are succeeding in making look bad, is yourself

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rachael said...

anon not that you deserve an explanation, but I spend a LOT of time online connecting with a lot of people. I have NO personal connection to Tal, but I have made a pile of friends by networking through this blog.

I invite you to see this video which was made by a couple I recently met, and it explains who I am and why I post here (or anywhere for that matter).

Or don't watch it, I really don't care. Either way, know that I wont be absorbing any or your negative energy, now matter how hard you try to spew it at people.


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ginamarie said...

What did I miss? :/

Tal said...

What you missed was a round of deranged posts by cult loons, which I deleted.

D. Candland said...

Top 10 Mediocre Things:

1. Off-brand graham crackers. How hard can it be to make a decent graham cracker? As far as I can tell rather hard - Honey Maid and Keebler are the only ones worth a darn. BTW, graham crackers initially came about as a way to stifle sexual desires...really!
2. Jennifer Lopez
3. Saturday Night Live is the epitome of mediocrity. SCTV always left them in the dust.
4. Plays put on by junior high schools. When's the last time you said "Wow, that was one smokin' rendering of "The Music Man" by fill-in-the-blank Jr. high!" It's not there fault though, things get much better in high school.
5. Lenny Kravitz
6. Most comedians.
7. Yellow Necco wafers. All other flavors, especially licorice, rock hard.
8. Dockers. They're not jeans, they're not dress pants, they're just there.
9. Denis Leary and that show about fireman on FX. I've caught chunks of it while channel surfing. Maybe this should go on the list of Top 10 ridiculous things. We know, your cranky Denis. I'd be cranky to if my folks forgot the extra "S" at the end of my name, and my haisr stylist used a Duncan Hines yellow cake mix to dye my hair. Hope that wasn't too mean.
10. Customer service almost anywhere.

D. Candland said...

Oops! Mispelled hair on #10. Also, how can anybody put Disneyland as being mediocre? It's the happiest place on earth. Oh well, to each his own.

Matthew said...

9b.) Snickers with ALMONDS: Exquisite!

Anonymous said...

A good swiss army knife is a work of art. Anyone who does real work :-) needs to carry one around all the time.

I can't imagine a musician not having at least a keychain one, just in case. All the pro musicians I know have them.

SuSuKK said...


My day has been made! I cannot believe you listed both Jennifer Lopez and Lenny Kravitz in the same list. I have always thought those two might be the most mediocre of all celebrities, but figured everyone else loved them. Thank you. My opinion of my own opinions has just greatly improved :)