Thursday, January 17, 2008

"Leave Britney Alone!"

If you're one of the four people left on earth who hasn't done this yet, go right now to YouTube and punch in "Chris Crocker Britney", or else "Leave Britney Alone!". Certainly, this is one of the funniest YouTube videos ever - right up there with the DEA agent shooting himself in the leg during a gun safety demonstration and the fat guy miming to the Romanian dance song.

But the weird thing is that...like...Britney's weird hysterical transvestite fan is, uh...pretty much spot-on: the schadenfreude demonstrated by all of us in our Britney obsession is now so perverse, it seems almost to be bordering on the joy ancient Romans felt watching human beings ripped apart and eaten by lions or something. I bet that if the messed-up Britney announced that she would kill herself live on YouTube tomorrow at exactly 6 PM EST, that we'd all tune in. And certainly we'd all watch, if we could, the footage of some paparazzo running her into a concrete median in a tunnel and her dying in the crash. We can't get enough. The mess of a girl is in every magazine, newspaper, and TV news show, and the more horrific or bizarre or sad the story, the more we love it; but the real story is ourselves - how our insatiable appetite for the ongoing tragedy of one girl's life has laid bare some of the most grotesque qualities of human nature.

And by the way, what kind of flake is Dr. Phil, visiting her in hospital and then blabbing all about how nuts she is to everyone? What kind of "friend" is that? She needs HELP, you idiot - not one more guy trying to cash in on her. HELP. Is everyone nuts?

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm going to be trying to maintain my own little boycott from now on of the Britney story, and send as many good thoughts her way as I can. She's one sad, messed-up girl.

7 comments:

Guinevere said...

I've never understood the obsession our culture has with celebrity gossip/horror stories like this. I don't care to know this much about my neighbors, or the parents I meet at my kids' school, so why should I care more about someone I'll never meet and has no influence in my life?

Of course I'm the type to turn down hearing gossip about people I do know, as well. If a person wants me to know about some tragedy in their life, or needs my help, they can come directly to me, but I don't live to watch other people's misery from the sidelines.

erlybird said...

Hey, Tal.

I think you are being unfair to the paparazzi.

Because of their hard work I picked up some good pointers about how to make my relationships "last" from an article celebrating the ONE YEAR anniversary of the Justin Timberlake/Jessica Biel (JustJes? JTimb? Justica?) partnering.

From the smattering of Brittney news that I have unwittingly stumbled upon I have learned the value of a strong parent/child communications conduit.

But seriously, and with all due respect to you, why do we all care so much about someone else life just because they have taken the time to sing us a song? It's weird, you know? Someone records a song and all of a sudden everyone knows about their workout routine...or lack thereof. Why is it that I know that Eminem now weighs over 200 lbs.? I don't care! But somehow I know. I read real books and don't watch the news! But somehow I know. Something about singing a song makes it news worthy.

People convincing themselves of Michael Jackson's innocence or guilt, camping out in front of his compound with signs...he sang a few songs.

I am guilty of it myself, in a way. I really think the world is a better place because of the likes of Jack Johnson, Ben Harper and Bono. I consider them to be artists and worthy of respect...because they sing songs.

I think that your next post should give us your take on this...since you might have something to say about it that we, the un-recorded, don't.

Anonymous said...

If I ever wanted to make an argument that young pop singers should take a break and go to university for a while out of the spotlight a la Rivers Cuomo, Ms. Spears would be Exhibit 'A'

IlĂ­on said...

"... and send as many good thoughts her way as I can."

But is this coherent with 'atheism' (or even mere 'agnosticism' aka "atheism without balls")?

zalia said...

I actually watched this about a week ago. The comment that I found the most weird...was when he said he knows if there is an accident on the side of the road he cannot pass by because he knows no one can REALLY help like he can. Somehow his "great knowledge of the truth" enables him to be of more help at the scene of an accident. Having been in a mindset at one time where I believed I knew important things about the cosmos that others didn't...it made me really uncomfortable to watch this. I know just how sincere he is in this video...and it's scary.

rachael said...

Hey girl with your fancy dress
Just who are you trying to impress?
Whats it like to get up everyday
just to make sure your makes-up's all in place?
Gee its must be a big heavy load
Since the whole world cares about your fancy clothes

The young girls who want to be you
Think they're going to live the way you live
So go on now, be strong now
make your choices like we gotta live with them, (even if you don't).
That front door may look real safe
but we all know what's inside the place
Its not all just one big dance
And sometimes my dear we get, no second chances

Hey girl with your platinum key
What do you want history to say?
You get everything right on your plate
Despite all you could do, you choose to play it away.
You're not the only one out on the road
Surely you can afford someone to drive your Rolls

There are young girls, who want to be you
They think they're going to live the way you live
So be loud now, but be proud now
Make your choices like you've got to live with it, (even if you dont)
The front door don't work both ways
once you know, whats inside the place
Life is more than one big dance
and sometimes my dear we get, no second chances

fimna said...

actually I don't care about Britney.
i've same comment with Guinevere.
that's absolutely right.